What People Don't Know [Review]
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Author: Blitz
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/PeopleKnow
Reviewer: Mariel D. @ Secret-Melodies
Title: 5/5
-Wow, I understand completely your title. Good job!
Poster/Background: 10/10
-I LOVE your background, you’re always been good when it comes to graphics. ^_^
Forewords: 4/5
-Your forewords are good; you have short introduction (preface), author’s note and credits. But the problem was, you did not introduce your characters, as of how their situation is in your story.
Plot: 14/15
-I just like it! xD ‘Cause it’s a GuiLun story, it’s always been great! =D
Flow: 9/10
-The flow is perfectly fine,
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15
-Well, as you said in the forewords, you made it pretty quick to translate. But, here are some mistakes that I found:
*Instead of: she grumbling talked back.
Try using: she talked back, grumbling.
*Instead of: The father sat a bit in his own thoughts
Try using: Her father sat a bit in his own thoughts.
*Instead of: There used to be totally crowded in the bus
Try using: It used to be totally crowded in the bus.
*Instead of: …but didn’t see the houses they drove buy …
Try using: …but didn’t see the houses they drove by…
*Instead of: Gui Gui had not noticed that he had watched her blowing out air to the night the last half minute.
Try using: GuiGui had not noticed that he was watching her blowing out an air through the last half minute of the night.
-So, ther mistakes are similar from the ones above, try spotting them yourself. =)
Characterization: 9/10
-Like what I said in the forewords, you did not introduce them earlier before the story start.
Originality: 8/10
-Found some common facts too, well, most of the stories in winglin was all about them being rich with great companies. But, you made your way through out. ^_^
Writing style: 4/5
-I understand it, but maybe try spacing up a little… I guess?
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
-I love your story! But… maybe try making a sequel for this one. It’s somewhat, hanging for me. xD
Bonus: 5/5
-It’s great to share an essay from school works, and congrats for your first one shot!
Overall score: 88/100