xperfect [Review]
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Author: EMI
Title: xperfect
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/xPerfect
Reviewer: Chin Yu @ Secret-Melodies
Title: 4/5
I'm not much of a fan of lower case and spaced out titles. But this one worked for me.
It is interesting and I might feel the urge to click on it if I saw it on the main page.
A possible alternative for the title, that would work better, could be "The Sphere Project" but that's just what I thought while reading your story.
Poster/Background: 8/10
Its very intricate and beautiful. And very intriguing. (I feel like I should use more adjectives to describe it! I can't explain how much I love it!)
The colors are vibrant and popping. The quote isn't very readable. I had to strain my eyes to read it.
The background is subtle and faint, very nice. And colors you for the fonts were very pretty, but I think they should have tied in more with the poster.
Forewords: 4/5
I really wanted to give you full points, I did. But it seemed like the main forewords was lacking something.
That is usually where you put information about the stories and characters.
You teased us and it was interesting. I wanted to read on. But it lacked in details.
Also, with the other teasers, I didn't like how they were spread out in different chapters.
I liked them, but it was a little weird(like out of place).
Plot: 13/15
The plot was beautiful. I didn't see that many plot holes in your story.
The teasers kind of set me up for what was to come and it really added to the plot.
Your story exemplifies the current state of our world, and what might become of it. Also it shows the absurdity in our society(and every society) for the need to become perfect and the corruption that comes from perfection.
I docked points down because at times it seemed to be jumping ship(like the plot was).
Flow: 7/10
The first actual chapters were paced pretty well.
I had to re-read some things to grasp your concept and sometimes I was left wondering what was going on.
But other than that your story had a consistent flow.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 11/15
Spelling- I didn't see many mistakes. You obviously know how to spell(or have a spell checker...which is fine. I have one ^^).
Grammar- I noticed a lot you didn't capitalize pronouns when you added them in the dialogue tags. (ie, "Look at us," he laughed. [teaser 05] this is correct, because you added a comma. But when you add an ending punctuation mark, such as (.) (!) (?) you have to capitalize the word preceded the dialogue. Like seen here: "You?" he chuckled. I saw that you broke this habit and started to correctly capitalize them. But you didn't go back and make corrections. Points off.)
Also you seemed to miss words. Like you left out a word in the sentences, making it confusing to read.
There were times where you had run-on sentences. For example,
[ch 1] You wrote:
'Earthquakes shake the ground everywhere in magnitudes that were unheard of before, hurricanes and typhoons leave people homeless and buried under mud and layers of dirt, the global temperature has been raising every year leaving everyone unable to cool down by perspiring anymore, and diseases force people to wear masks as protection outside.'
These articles are all on the same topic, but that doesn't mean they have to be in the same sentence. Breaking them up like: 'Earthquakes shake the ground everywhere in magnitudes that were unheard of before. Hurricanes and typhoons leave people homeless and buried under mud and layers of dirt. The global temperature has been raising every year leaving everyone unable to cool down by perspiring anymore. Diseases force people to wear masks as protection outside.'
They can also be separated with semi colons (;)
Vocabulary- You had a fairly wide range of vocabulary. You knew the words you were using and how what context to use them in. Sometimes you overused a word, but it was inevitable.
Characterization: 9/10
You elaborated beautifully on the character's personalities. They all had their own personality and manner of speaking, which is something I don't see a lot. You made them real and that's something only great writers can do.
You added a lot to their history and pasts which makes it so much easier to read and understand the story.
It could have used more details, but it doesn't take away from the story that you don't have those details.
Originality: 9/10
This story definitely isn't one you see everyday on winglin.
But its something I've read before, outside of winglin.(this is the only thing I docked you on.)
Writing style: 5/5
I loved the way you wrote. I often see with apply fics, the writer is inexperienced, but you seem to know what you are doing.
I also loved the quotes you added in the beginning of the chapters. (I loved that I recognized who most of the people were ^^)
You added a lot of vivid details, while I read this story I felt like I was watching a movie!
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I really enjoyed it. There were times where I had to go back and re-read a few things, to get what you were trying to say, but other than that it was amazing and clear. I got this very Maximum Ride feel from reading your story(never heard of it? Its a great book/series. I think you would like it ;] )
If this was a book I'd totally buy it and give it to all my friends!!
I wish I saw this when it was open for applies. I would have loved to be part of it.
Bonus: 5/5
That poster earned you the full points. Did you make it yourself? Kudos if you did!!
And this story would make a GREAT movie and book. Seriously. It is amazing, I can't wait to read more!!!
Overall score: 79/100