Pair of Hands [Review]
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Author:brightside
Title:Pair of Hands
URL:http://winglin.net/fanfic/pairofhands/
Reviewer:Chin Yu
Title: 4/5
First impression: A little long and confusing, but it really heightened my curiosity. With the cast list, I'd definitely click on it if I saw it on the main page.
Poster/Background: 7/10
I gotta tell you I was jumping out of my skin seeing the poster and instantly recognizing Toma Ikuta and Eita!
The pictures aren't really high quality, which is a little disappointing.
I didn't like the background. When I saw it first thought was, great I wont be able to read this.
But the color for text you used was surprisingly easy to read.
EDIT:
Okay, loving the new poster! Very nice quality photos and its beautifully put together!
Forewords: 3/5
There were a lot of reviews, which I read over to see how well you did. That was helpful, I don't see many people putting the reviews in the forewords.
You hinted a little bit as to what the story is to be about, but I would have liked more.
Same with the cast/character list. I would like to have seen an elaboration of the characters.
The first chapter would have been a great forewords.
Plot: 14/15
The plot was very easy to understand, I wasn't able to pick out any plot holes or missing. It was original and I loved every thing about it. The feel, like another reviewer stated, had a shoujo manga. I could definitely see it.
Flow: 8/10
The changing tenses and fragments took away from the overall flow of the story.
Other than that the story was fluent and clear. I was able to follow along perfectly 99.9% of the time.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
Spelling and vocabulary were spot on. I was impressed, lately Ive been disappointed with fanfics these days. Yours was top notch.
Your mechanics were alright, though. I noticed you fluctuated between tenses a lot:
In chapter 1 when describing the height difference between Dia and her mother, you used the present tense 'is' when the rest of the chapter was in past tense. Also again when you wrote about where they lived you used the present tense 'are.'
You could have put: "Dia was three inches taller than her mother." "At the time Dia and her mother were living in an unit of a condominium in the capital city." (sorry im very anal about tenses ^^' and i noticed another reviewer already mentioned the other mistakes I was going to correct.)
Also agan
Characterization: 8/10
Your elaboration on the characters and their personalities was beautiful, but minimal.
I would have love to seen more insight as to who everyone is.
You describe the characters a lot, and the information you are lacking isn't taking away from the story. But I'd like to see some more insight!
Originality: 9/10
Definitely original on the cast list. I rarely ever see fanfiction with Ikuta and never with Eita. It was nice to read about different people!
It was a romance(like other reviewers have mentioned) fic, which yeah its hard to be completely new and original.
But you did not make this generic AT ALL. It was so interesting and new.
Writing style: 3/5
Aside from the changing tenses, your writing style was clear and fluent.
I noticed a lot of single word and fragment sentences. They've already been cleared up to you in past reviews, so I'm not going to waste our time re-stating them.
All I guess I can say is, work on your tenses and on the fragment sentences!
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I loved it. Toma Ikuta and Eita are some of my favorite Japanese men.
I'm definitely recommending this fic to some of my Toma Ikuta/Eita fans.
I took off for changing tenses, it really took away from the enjoyment.
Bonus: 5/5
Because I took so long to review and again the Ikuta and Eita!
I'll be silently reading(because I'm ninja like that) for the remainder of the story.
I'm really into it!
Overall score: 83/100