The last time [Review]
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Author:BoBoLi0us
Title:The Last Time
URL:http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Reminiscence02/
Reviewer:Chin Yu
Title: 5/5
Title really tired into the story.
I can't think of any title that would have worked better.
Poster/Background: 9/10
The poster was very eerie.
First impression was this story was going to be eerie
Forewords: 4/5
Forewords were alright.
I loved the teasers.
But there wasn't much about the summary or characters.
I would have really liked to see that.
Plot: 13/15
The plot was great. I was able to understand it completely.
I was impressed at how you were able to get the plot across clearly, with it being a one-shot and all.
Points were docked due to originality(it wasn't the generic 'boy loves girl, girl goes away' story, but I've seen plots like this before)
Flow: 9/10
It jumped around a bit, but I was able to follow along with the story.
When it goes to the past(when Junho is 16) I was a little confused, but eventually understood.
Might try and adding a little author note like [past] or [XX years ago] (because some might not be able to detect that transition)
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 14/15
Spelling(4): There were some minor spelling errors(ie, when Junho is on the phone with Changmin, you write "as he inhale and exhaled" you forgot to make the present "inhale" into a perfect past tense "inhaled" sorry im analytical about that.)
Grammar(5): Grammar was spot on. I didn't see many mistakes(again, I'm analytical about these things, but the mistakes didn't take away from the story)
Vocabulary(5): You had wide range of vocabulary. I notice a lot people repeat words after their characters express dialogue(ex, he said, she said, they said) But you added different words, which was nice.
Characterization: 9/10
I was able to understand Junho was a jerk.
I was able to understand his girlfriend really loved him, but was tired of his crap.
It was very easy to understand the characters and feel what they felt.
But it could use some work(more insight into the girl would have been wonderful)
Originality: 9/10
Ive seen stories like this before.
But you added your own flare, your own voice, and your own storyline.
I really enjoyed the bunny metaphor, it was great.
Writing style: 5/5
You writing style was very smooth and clear.
It was similar to my own, so I was able to read it perfectly.
I think you got the point of the story across clearly.
Full points ;]
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I loved the story. It was written well.
The metaphor was great, I love big metaphors in stories and don't see many in fanfiction these days.
Bonus: 5/5
Full points for the metaphoric bunny story ;]
Overall score: 91/100