Just a white lie [Review]
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Author: PinkishBubble
Title: Just a white lie
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/PinkishBubble01/
Reviewer: Shia @ Secret-Melodies
Title: 3/5
I'm just being honest here but I didn't really like the title, It didn't catch my attention is what I really mean
Poster/Background: 7/10
I like the poster but there are some things that could be fixed one thing the butterflies i mean unless it has a meaning to it then ok but just saying
Forewords: 3/5
You forewords were just rules but since you gave an intro to the characters after i'll judge it off that, I think you did pretty good on the character descriptions i mean they were short but they left you hanging wanting to know more about them
Plot: 9/15
I have seen many plots like this so it's not really anything new.
Flow: 5/10
Your flow was okay but i think there were some parts that went too fast like this part;
'"hei,don't just stand there.sit down"said ryuu
ever since that..
ryuu is mint's friend.
they go to cafetaria together for lunch.'
I didn't understand that part at all like was it that they became friends ever since that day or was it on that day I don't know how to explain it but It confused me and you had some other parts too that went to fast.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/15
You had many many mistakes and grammar problems but I think if you study more with english and all you get better in no time.
Characterization: 8/10
I liked the characters they were sometimes cute lol especially when mint was was gonna sit by ryuu and was like 'omg it's like twilight' lol that got me laughing.
Originality: 4/10
like I said I have read many stories like this...
Writing style: 3/5
I like your style of writing maybe if you just slowed some parts down and put in more details it'll be a thumbs up
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
I did enjoy it but some parts got me ksjnfksjdnf because I couldn't really understand trying to think what was going on
Bonus: 0/5
sorry i don't give out bonuses
Overall score: 55/100
sorry if I seemed harsh This is a review after all and I am just trying my best to be honest so that I don't give you the wrong idea