It's Fate that Playing with us [Review]
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Author:celestineblue ^-^
Title:It's Fate that Playing with us
URL:http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/evelyn_blue/
Reviewer: Choi Eunmi
Title: 3/5
It’s a good one, but I think you are missing a word or something.
-Poster/Background: 4/10
The background is plain, but is easy to read on. The writing on the poster is a little too small for my taste, but the expressions of the people are good for the story. I recommend requesting one from Secret Melodies : )
-Forewords: 3/5
The forewords gave a summary, and named 3 of the characters. The only thing is, that when you go to chapter one it’s a little confusing, because you didn’t put like 2months earlier, or 2 weeks later. Therefore the reader can’t tell if its before the shooting or after.
-Plot: 12/15
I have seen this plot more then once before, but it is a good plot to write and read about.
-Flow: 6/10
The flow was ok, but some of the chapters weren’t really connected, like in one chapter the ending is her hugging her dad, but the beginning of the next chapter is when they are getting wedding pictures.
-Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/10
The spelling was really good, the grammar was not that good, and there wasn’t a very wide vocabulary used.
-Characterization: 8/10
The characters were all unique, like their personality didn’t change throughout the whole story. Plus they weren’t all the exact same, perfect character you see a lot on winglin.
-Originality: 5/10This is not a very original storyline, but you did put your twists on parts.
-Writing style: 4/5I like that you right in paragraphs like professional authors do.
-Overall enjoyment: 5/10To be honest I lost interest pretty soon after I started reading, but it wasn’t to the point where it was painful to read. I hope you take that badly either.
-Overall score: 53/100
-Okay this is just a little note about your grammar, and English. I think one of the problems is that you just use the wrong words or tense of a word. In the forewords you used I’ve when I think it should have been I had. Stop typing his report; he held on her hand with a wide blissful smile, “What’s next, Ri In?” It should have been, He stopped typing his report; he held onto her hand with a wide, blissful smile, ….
As she was happily having a slow pace towards the canteen, a guy who is turning behind accidentally bumped into Ri In. Should be, As she was happily walking a slow pace towards the canteen,….
“Well, having me this superb good looking guy here,” Jaejoong funnily said, “How can your business not running good?” Should be ……How can you business not run good, or can not be running good.