Forever [Review]
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Title: Forever
Author: Faye
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/faye_01/
Reviewer: SaMaNtHa @ Secret-Melodies
Site: http://sm-melodies.blogspot.com/
Title: 3/5
The title was simple and it wasn't catchy nor did it match your storyline. But in some ways it did. I think you could've been more creative with it though, since it revolves around fate and destiny why not make your title connect with those two words? Okay but anyways I'm going to take some points off because of the lack of connection.
Poster/Background: 6/10
The poster was eye catching, I though it looked great. It also look as if they were popping out from another time zone, which was the theme of your story. It's pretty but I think there's too many things on the poster. Like the butterflies, I didn't get their purpose, or the blue glitter thingys in the corner. So I think just keeping it simple would've looked nice, and I didn't like the font choice it made the poster look unprofessional. The bg was also too much, there was so much things going on in the background; with all the curls and butterflies. Keep it simple but make sure its not too simple that its boring.
Forewords: 3/5
Okay, your foreword was okay. You had all the needed information in your foreword, you had a plot/prologue, characters, and had a authors note. But you added very little about your characters. You stated the name and that's about it. I don't know who the story revolve around. I know that Changmin is the main role and Cedie but that's it. Add more things about them and the minor roles tell us what their doing in your story. I also thought that you should've added all the fic info on top, before your authors note, it makes more sense that way. Like adding the plot, characters on top is better because those are the things that captures your readers attention and its important for readers to know, adding an author's note on top makes the foreword look a bit dull and boring. Like I said you added a prologue or plot but it wasn't catchy, and it had some mistakes in it, so seeing mistakes right off the bat like that tends to make your readers turn off. So rereading and fixing things is good! So all in all I'm taking some points away because of the mistakes and lack of character information.
Plot: 10/15
The plot was different and I thought it was good. But it was simple. There wasn't much happening, it was all pretty simple. I think it would've turned out better if there were conflicts in your story. Adding conflicts would make your story more interesting. The plot was different, I never read a fic like yours before it was unique. But like I said adding more conflicts would've given you more points.
Flow: 2/10
The flow was unbalanced, let me tell you why. First off, Changmin and everything came by pretty fast. It wasn't that long into the story and Changmin has already appeared. I would've enjoyed learning more about Cedie's life before the Changmin thing, and I would want to know more about her father and why she doesn't believe in destiny/fate ect.Second, you didn't tell your readers that it was winter because chapter three they were already decorating for christmas? You can tell you readers that it's winter by saying that it was cold and windy so Cedie and her friend had to buckle up their jacket, or something like that, so your readers will get an idea of what the season is. Then all of a sudden they were outside playing soccer? Isn't it too cold to play outdoors? Also the last chapter was really fast, a year went pass then another year. And finally at the end she gets to meet Changmin again...I don't know it was all really fast. I also think that the ending was rushed. Put more information in your story to help you slow down your story.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/15
Your spelling was okay. I came across only minor spelling mistakes. Like for example, I saw that you didn't capitalize your I's so always capitalize them! I also noticed that you had typos like you forgot letters at the end of your words. So re read and revising can help you get a better score on this section. Your grammar is also okay but here and there I see some small mistakes for example,[Cathy is like my best friend for life.] You don't need to add all the other words just saying, Cathy is my best friend for life. Is good enough. Your vocabulary was basic you used basic english.
Characterization: 4/10
I didn't understand anyone. Cedie and Changmin were the main characters but I didn't really understand them. There wasn't much information on them, you didn't really tell your readers what their personalities were in your story. All I knew about them was that they were a guy and a girl. Give more information and more details about them. Express them through dialogue and description.
Originality: 10/10
I thought it was original. It was different and I know it was written and thought up by you.
Writing Style: 5/10
Your writing style was neat and understandable. But you still have things to improve on like your lack of details, they were very limited. You also need to improve on your timing because I thought it was kind of sloppy.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I enjoyed it but I would've enjoyed it more if there were details and more conflicts, and if the flow was a bit balanced.
Bonus: 2/5
I hope you learn from this somehow and thank you for requesting at Secret-Melodies!
Total: 54/100