Colours [Review]
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Author: Gril4Life
URL: winglin.net/fanfic/Colours
Reviewer: Mariel D.
Title: 4/5
-I usually liked one-word titles because it seemed memorable, especially when you’ll get to know their meaning. However, I don’t think there is a word such as “Colours” in our English dictionary, you might be referring to “colors”. Well, that made a minus.
Poster/Background: 5/10
-You have no posters at all, but the story itself is understandable, you picked the right colors! ^_^
Forewords: 4/5
-I just thought your forewords are perfect! But I don’t think you have organized it properly, well, I don’t know, it just sounds messy to me. Maybe try not placing an Author’s note or credits between a preface and characters. Try placing it at the bottom or at the top.
Plot: 13/15
-Stories like this are common, but I like this kind of plot having happy endings with prince charming staying with her. What made minus was the twist, I couldn’t see any!
Flow: 9/10
-It’s good, but something is wrong, couldn’t figured it out.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15
-Your grammar and spelling was pretty good, but I found some mistakes.
Example:
1.*Instead of: Aaron is a heir of a company that makes musical instruments
*Try using: Aaron is an heir of a company that makes musical instruments
*RULE says Use "a" before a word beginning with a consonant or the sound of a consonant. Use "an" before a word beginning with a vowel or the sound of a vowel
2. *Instead of: Some people sees him as a cold person,
Try using: Some people see him as a cold person,
*RULE says that the verb of a sentence must agree with the subject in number and in person.
I actually had a hard time finding wrong grammars on the story itself. I might just have pass through some, Anyway, good job! =)
In addition, try to avoid using “Overused words” and work up with your vocabs! ^_^
Characterization: 10/10
-Besides the truth that I LOVE GUILUN VERY MUCH, you place their descriptions very legibly on the forewords, Great job with this one! ^_^
Originality: 5/10
-Your story is somewhat… common. You know, a girl being fooled by guys, then prince charming comes, then they’ll live happily ever after. The worst part was, I don’t see any twist at all. Good thing you used quotations for your stories. That is actually my secret of making my stories better and having more inspiration to write.
Writing style: 4/5
-Maybe try to “Space up” a little. There comes a time that I was lost in a sentence and have to use my pointy finger to find the word where I am in. Actually, what made minus was, when readers click your first chapter, and they’ll see the HUGE paragraph, they’ll get lazy to read.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
-I have enjoyed reading it, thanks for choosing me as your reviewer, Julie! ^_^
Bonus: 5/5
-It’s your first One Shot my friend! =D LOLz
Overall score: 80/100