Broken Angel [Review]
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Author: -elmo-
Story URL/Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Homegirl2/
Story Title: Broken Angel
Reviewer: 류인
Title: 3/5
{‘Broken’ and ‘Angel’ are the Lingering words, where people would Imagine way beyond about your story and tempt to finish your plot. But by adding these two together, it actually compressed the imagination, decreasing the readers’ interest to read it. Plus, I’ve seen this Title for the Fifth time, so you can imagine how common it is. }
Poster/Background: 5/10
{It looked like some ‘Raw’ pictures without refined graphics. The picture only showed the faces of the characters, but did not present out the feeling of the story. Too plain for me, I would say.}
Forewords: 3/5
{ The Idiom that you used with the question marks behind was attractive. I liked it. But sadly, it was too short. It would be better if you add another questioning ‘Why?’, or might as well complete the sentence with [Under her mesmerized stare, Leeteuk/He smiled as his body faded into light]. These words would definitely cliff-hang the readers. }
Plot: 8/15
{ Too plain and simple. It was too predictable, and it seemed like I was reading the script instead of a story. The over-helming dialogues made me frustrated. Instead of the conversations, you could’ve cut short and change into some more detailed descriptions. }
Flow: 5/10
{ Starting from a plain beginning, it suddenly went up to the climax and ended in a fast pace. It’s not flowing nicely according to the waves, so I couldn’t really give you high marks for that. }
Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/15
{ There was almost no normal spelling errors. But when it came to grammar, many readers made the same mistake. It’s highly NOT recommended to mix two kinds of Tenses in a story, as it’s quite complicated. Unless you’re writing in different time backgrounds, please do not use Present Tense and Past Tense in the same time. So far, only long novels that involve time backgrounds from the Future, Present and the Past involve this kind of skill. In this story, your Tenses collapsed and pulled down the Vocabulary skills. Please do polish them up. }
Characterization: 8/10
{ The characters were handled nicely. At least we know well about each and one of their characteristics and the lines were stated clearly. }
Originality: 7/10
{I’ve seen similar works. It’s recommended for you to start focus on your favourite genre when writing your stories, regardless of the format. By this, you can train yourself to create your own unique plots that can be your trademarks. }
Writing style: 3/5
{ As I mentioned, the Dialogues/conversations drowned the whole story, covering your writing style. If you did not develop enough of your writing style yet, I suggest you start from a person’s point of view and adjust yourself later on. }
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
{Thank god that it’s a one-shot, so it saved you. If it was to be a normal fiction, it would be too boring. }
Bonus: 4/5
{ The Idioms were quite good. I like them. }
Overall score: 62/100
Reviewer’s Words: { I reviewed this with the standard reviewer’s format, so I did not put many details on them. For the Beta-Reader’s standard, I could’ve written the whole 3 pages of it, for you had the wide space to improve. I hope I was not harsh on this. You have the Potential, and I’ll anticipate your other new stories, and hopefully you’ll have your better style of writing. Good luck =) }