Wednesday, January 15, 2003
Title: Always Together
Author: *karorin
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/karorin/
Reveiwer: Scorpio
Title: 2/5
Titles shouldn’t give away the story too much. As for your title, ‘Always Together’ already means that the main characters will be together somehow, maybe at the ending. Readers will be able to predict a happy ending somewhat, even if it isn’t, they could be assured that they will be together, as your title says.
Poster/Background: 6/10
I realized that instead of requesting for a poster at the request sites, you used one of their many photos instead. I would prefer seeing a poster as it would make the story look nicer. The background is also plain, but the colour of it matches the poster, so that’s something good.
Forewords: 1/5
Your forewords didn’t have anything about the story (i.e. summary), and you already gave away the paring of the story which by right, readers should find out themselves by reading the story so that there is suspense build up. But you said you will write the summary when you have time, well make sure you do it.
Plot: 9/15
Up till now, I still don’t and won’t be able to tell the main plot of the story yet. However the story so far starts off with Taemin still having a phobia of a dream he had 10 years ago which happens quite often in stories, its getting cliché. So actually, I cannot judge your plot yet as you have yet written to the main point or provide a summary.
Flow: 7/10
Your flow is kind of fast. You did not add in details, which makes the chapters short. Add in details to describe the characters feelings, actions etc. It would bring life to the story and not let the flow go too fast. There must be some suspense in the story as it is what keeps readers reading your story.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 2/15
I’m sorry for saying this, but your grammar is very bad. There are also many spelling errors throughout the story so far. I could see a mistake in almost every sentence. Do make it a habit to read through your chapters after you have typed them and before you post it up. I’m sure that you know how to spell correctly, so at least prevent spelling errors first. If I were to encounter such a story, even if the characters are my favourites, I still would skip the story because I cannot stand reading it.
Characterization: 8/10
I am neutral about the characters you use as I’m not into Korean pop, so its fine with me. But in the second chapter, I think their personalities and actions are kind of weird though. Like it isn’t normal. Their reactions to situations are quite big or extreme.
Originality: 7/10
Well I don’t read gay stories so I can’t tell the originality, and your story is only up to chapter 2 and you didn’t provide a summary too. But from what I’ve read so far, the main point is underage prostitution which I have seen quite a few times before.
Writing style: 1/5
Honestly speaking, I do not like this writing style. It is very messy and not organized. One suggestion is you can leave a line in between each paragraph to make it look neater, and make sure the first word of every sentence begins with a capital letter so that by just looking at the capital letters, readers can see that it is a new sentence. One good thing is that you did not write in script format, I absolutely do not like it as there is not much details given.
Overall enjoyment: 2/10
As I said, even if the characters are my favourites, I would still skip the story as I would not enjoy it. Furthermore, the chapters could be written longer, there is no tension and suspense in the story. You could have placed in more details to make the scenarios more interesting and exciting. I understand that this is just the second chapter so you could work on it.
Bonus: 3/5
Well I appreciate your effort in the story, but do make the changes to your story! I think readers would rather wait longer and read a nicer chapter than have fast updates yet not enjoyable.
Overall score: 48/100