Sunday, February 18, 2001
Author: SaMaNtHa
Story URL/Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/MFCUM/
Story Title: Unforgettable Memories [MF Challenge]
Reviewer: 류인
Title: 3/5 – Since it’s MF Challenge, I suppose quite a lot of them used the same title too. It’s too common, so we don’t give a lot of points for it.
Poster/Background: 8/10 – I like warm colour tones, and the background picture and wallpaper send the message of the story strongly. It’s satisfying in overall.
Forewords: 3/5 – Short. It was too short. I understand you added the info of the story, but I believe the content could’ve been much better if it’s expanded more. Add more description of the feelings and the expressions. It’ll be even better if you wrote it in a non-narrative style for the intro. By this, you’ll be able to pour more about the emotions. Also, instead of giving out full info about how the story will be like, it’ll bring more curiosity to the readers, and thus will be able to attract more interest and attention to read on.
Plot: 12/15 – The plot’s satisfying, but it seemed that the whole story was sort of rushed. The main focus was supposed to be on the feeling of getting rejected, but it was a bit off.
Flow: 7/10 – The flow from the beginning was smooth, but it was seemed to be rushed later on. Starting from Changmin’s death to Hae Ri’s suicide, the flow was going too fast and I was very confused with it. Where did Changmin’s corpse go? Why did Minho and Hae Ri left the corpse just like that, when Changmin’s such an important person to them? Also, the last chapter was somehow what very messy. Everything was cramped in, and suddenly came to an end. I would suggest you to expand more, making it 3 chapters instead of 2.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15 – There were no spelling errors, as far as I’m concerned of. It was a bit messed up for the grammar. You used Past tense throughout the whole story, but I saw some mixture of Present tense, which was quite confusing. Excluding the narrative parts where present tense was needed, there were some parts where present tense was not supposed to be included. Also, some of the vocabs were used wrongly. One of minor careless mistakes was [its], where you should use [it’s] instead. Also, some of the narrative parts were supposed to be written in past tense too, since it all happened in the Past.
Characterization: 7/10 – I couldn’t picture the full characteristics of the characters, especially Hae Ri’s. Since the characters lacked a lot of description, I could only grasp bits of the characteristics.
Originality: 8/10 – It’s a nice plot, but I’ve read similar stories before.
Writing style: 4/5 – I can see the pattern of your style of writing, just that it’s not polished well enough, since grammar and vocabulary mistakes were still there. Keep it up!
Overall enjoyment: 7/10 – The rushing flow pulled down a lot of my anticipation for this story. Actually, instead of One-Shot, it could’ve been better if you wrote it as a Short story, which consists of few chapters. By this, it’ll be much easier for you to describe more and expand the flow so that it’s much smoother. But still, it was good enough =)
Bonus: 3/5 – I’m a Cassiopeian. =D
Overall score: 75/100
I’m sorry if my review was harsh a bit. Keep it up! =)