Friday, January 28, 2000
Story Name- Christmas day
Story URL-http://winglin.net/fanfic/scorpio02/
Reviewer-Ishwarya @ Secret Melodies
Title: 3/5
I wish you had chosen a better title. It’s a very common one for stories. As you’ve chosen to write a one-shot, I suggest that you alter the title. Make it a bit intriguing, so that readers click on your story with curiosity to know about your plot.
Poster/Background: 6/10
4 out of 5 for the poster. I really like the poster, but what turns me off is the styling of the title. It should have been more soft and elegant.
2 out of 5 for the background. The background was too dark and distracting. I don’t like it. Again, it should please the eyes of the reader.
Forewords: 3/5
It was too short and boring. I didn’t even understand the character sketches and introduction. You should remember, forewords are one of the key-points while penning a story. If it’s well written, you win the readers appreciation. Please try to work on it. ^_^
Plot: 8/15
It was again the usual stereotypical stories we get to read now and then. There was nothing unusual or special situations that would keep me glued. I don’t have an idea about XiaoJie, which means that you couldn’t tell the readers much about him. A little more of introduction, description, giving the characters a particular trait, etc would just enhance the quality of a normal story.
Flow: 7/10
No problems in this section (because it was a one-shot). However, I feel you could have avoided the usage of multiple paragraphs/ connected each lines efficiently when you’ve decided to use multiple paragraphs.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12\15
I didn’t find any major grammatical errors. Your spellings are good too. I’m impressed. However, I feel you should always try to improve your vocabulary. And beware of typo errors.
Characterization: 5/10
Frankly, I got nothing about the characters. Using similar names confused me more. XiaoJie and Xiao Jie, sounded the same to me. And it didn’t really excite me. For example,
“XiaoJie sat by the window with her elbows propped up…”
When I read this, I quickly noted down that you had made a gender mistake, but later on, I found that it was a unisex name.
I also feel you should elaborate more so that the character sketches nurture well.
Originality: 5\15
I’ve read many stories similar to yours. So it’s nothing spectacular. If you could have added a few twists and turns, certain incidents, then it would have seemed more original.
Writing style: 4\5
There’s little scope for Reviewers to suggest here, except for grammatical/vocabulary errors. Writing styles are meant to be unique. So you have a unique style of your own. But as you have good command, it’s commendable.
Overall enjoyment: 5/10
Frankly, I didn’t enjoy your story much. If it was a cute fluffy story, I would have enjoyed more!
Overall score: 58/100