Wednesday, January 12, 2000
Author: omgkevin
Story URL/Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/omgkevin/
Story Title: Which One of us does she like?
Reviewer: 류인
Title: 4/5 – I like your title, which left some Suspense for the readers. The title attracted and made me think about exactly who does she like, but to be honest, such titles are actually quite common. Still, it’s good enough.
Forewords: 3/5 – I think you made your forewords as the Intro of the chapter, so I judged according to the content. The intro was not attractive enough, since it was just some description from a girl’s point of view. I couldn’t picture anything out of it.
Plot: 11/15 – Your story’s still ongoing, so I can only review from the 4 chapters. The overall plot’s not bad, only that it’s somehow what too common. Common in the sense that I can almost predict what will happen next. I suggest you to add in more suspense or make it as a twisted plot for the next following chapters. By that you can keep the readers continue reading while anticipating.
Flow: 8/10 – Again, I can only review from the 4 chapters. The flow for 4 chapters’ length was okay, since they were short chapters. But to judge from an overall story, it’s considered very draggy. I suggest you merge 1-3 short chapters into one instead.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 11/15 – Personally, your bigger problem would be Grammar and Vocabulary. I was confused whether you wanted to use Present tense or Past tense, because I saw mixture of both tenses. I suggest you to choose Either FULL Present tense or past tense, to avoid confusion. As for the Vocabulary, you wrote ‘_______ POV’ because you chose not to give the main actress a name. I strongly recommend you on not using that way. It pulled down a lot of marks for this. Instead, use ‘Her’ ‘She’ and ‘Hers’ throughout the whole story. This will give a better flow of grammar and eventually attracts more readers.
Characterization: 7/10 – Sorry to say, but I still can’t see the clear personalities of the characters. Maybe you can add more description about the characters, to let us know exactly how that particular character acts like.
Originality: 10/10 – Have nothing better to say about this. Your originality’s the one that keeps people reading. Keep it on!
Writing style: 3/5 – Out of 10, 6 of them write exactly the same style, which is the same as yours. You can choose deeper description to develop your writing skills. Also, by writing longer chapters tend to polish your writing skills that can develop to new writing styles.
Overall enjoyment: 7/10 – Sorry, I can’t give much marks for this. Your story’s not completed yet.
Bonus: 5/5 – I like the overall cast. Very refreshing =)
Overall score: 69/90
I’m sorry if my review was harsh a bit. Keep it up! =)